Juicing up your love life: The power of acting as-if

Today’s guest post comes from Dr. Biko and Heidi Sankofa, who work with people who have a desire to protect, restore, and optimize the most important asset in life – health.  Whether you seek their services for weight loss, finding core causes of chronic problems, feeling stuck in life, relationship help, or rapid emotional transformation, they may have a solution. Read on for their solution to a problem facing many couples.

Juicing Up Your Love Life

Sounds sexy, right?  Valentine’s Day is here.  It’s a great time to celebrate love relationships, but let’s talk about the stuff that often goes unspoken for countless people around this holiday. The stuff that lurks beneath the surface of the nice dinners, the flowers and the chocolates.  So many of us are living the proverbial ‘quiet lives of desperation’ even within a relatively ‘good’ relationship. We may be unsatisfied with aspects of our partner and/or ourselves.  Most of us don’t like talking about common issues such as: dwindling sex lives, fading attraction, loneliness within a relationship, resentments that flare up as frequent arguments. We especially don’t like to talk about this around Valentine’s Day!

We encourage you to do something different this year.  Let’s look at the shadows head on and DO SOMETHING about them! Is your relationship as fulfilling as you would like it to be?…or as it used to be?  If so, fantastic!  If not, Dr. Biko and I have some relationship S.O.S. tips for you.

Let’s get the excitement back!

While I feel very blessed to have married my soul mate, it is not a free pass in marriage.  It’s wonderful to have a solid foundation, but we still have to work to keep the connection strong in the midst of 2 young children, work, and life’s many joys and stressors.

We get it.  There are several things you would really like to change about your partner.  Some are little tweaks – others are major overhauls.  Here is the key.  We bet that trying to change your partner hasn’t worked too well for you.  It kind of stinks – but the old adage is true.  You can’t change anyone – so you’ve got to change yourself!  The good news is – by changing yourself, you inevitably change the relationship.

Biko and I went to a motivational seminar a few years ago.  The speaker gave some of the best couples advice that we have heard.  The advice sounded really simple, like a no-brainer.  The kind of advice where you say to yourself…”Yeah, yeah lady, I already know that – Everybody knows that. Now – get to the meat!”

Well – turns out, the simple relationship advice was the meat.  Despite the fact that we ‘knew’ the information, our error lied within the lack of implementing it!

Women:  Treat Your Partner Like a Rock Star.  Imagine the absolute hottest man you can think of.  A man that is completely attractive to you on all levels. Funny, intelligent, charming, perfect mix of ruggedness and sensitivity, and a gorgeous physical specimen.  Imagine that man was coming to your house for dinner.  How would you feel? How would you dress?  What would your attitude be when cooking dinner? ‘Oh brother, I’m so sick of having to think of what to make!’ OR ‘I want to make something that this guy will love!’ How would you treat him/ respond to him in the bedroom?

Ok Heidi, but that’s NOT my partner you say?  Seems like a lot of work?  I’ll let you in on a little secret.  Huge secret actually.  When you begin to ‘act as if,’ you begin to create that which you desire.  Act as if he already is the man of your dreams. By ‘act as if,’ I mean feel the feelings of excitement, contentment, good fortune. Speak the positive words about him to others – even if they have not appeared to show up yet.  They will.  Trust me – this change in your perspective and actions will change the whole dynamic of your relationship for the better.

Men: 1. Listen To Your Woman.  Listen without solving any of her problems (unless she asks).  Listen without interrupting her.  Listen to her without the distraction of the T.V. (even a muted television is distracting), a cell phone, or a screen of any kind.   I know this is a hard one, but if you tell your partner that you want to do a better job of listening to her and connecting with her…and then you commit to a certain period of time i.e. 15 minutes most days of the week, she will feel closer to you and she. will. repay. you. It works even better if you are the one to initiate the talks.

Challenge: Do this for 2 weeks to begin.  Then let us know what happens. We’d love to hear your stories.

If you really want to juice up your love life – here are a few other suggestions of little things that make a big difference.

  • Think of one thing per day that you can do to ‘make your partner smile.’
  • Write a thank you note for something(s) you appreciate. (Even if it’s something mundane.  Everyone likes to be seen and appreciated – regularly!)
  • Send a nice text for no reason.
  • Do a chore your partner usually does.
  • Give a 10 min foot/back massage.

If all of this seems too difficult for you – it’s possible that you have some deeper resentments that you need help with.  If you think that’s the case, contact Dr. Biko and Heidi Sankofa.  We can help you overcome the obstacles to a happier, healthier partnership.

Instead of the obligatory candy and flowers this year, do something extraordinary for yourself and your partner that will excite you both in a lasting way.

Dr. Biko and Heidi Sankofa can be reached at 301-523-4265, www.sankofagroup.com or www.mysourceofwellness.com (site under construction).

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