The cause of most frustration is focusing on things we don’t want in our lives. If a loved one is dealing with an illness, the thought of imperfect health brings us pain and fear. If we hate our job, we often feel fed up with the workplace and everything in it. If we are going through a painful breakup or divorce, we may feel anger or a sense of being overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings.
In any situation, relief is that moment that we catapult our thoughts past our current situation. It’s when we let go of all of the ‘what ifs’ and stop worrying about ‘what could be.’ It’s when the worry, the fear, the disappointment, the grief and the anger all dissipate and we’re able to relax and feel hopeful again.
So how do we get to that place of relief? Here are a couple of suggestions.
–Imagine it away. This suggestion comes from Towanda Bryant, a Law of Attraction coach who was experiencing severe grief when her dog was dying of a terminal illness. Whenever she would feel particularly heavy-hearted, she would play a game with herself in which she would pretend her beautiful dog Hoagie was not really sick.
“I’d say to myself, ‘what if the vet is wrong?'” she said. “What if he’s really ok? What if he lives another 10 years?'”
When she would go through that process, she would immediately feel better because she’d be filled with hope that her dog would be ok. Though the vet was right and Hoagie passed away, Towanda credits the exercise with helping her to cope and move past depression so that she could be present and enjoy the time she had left with her dog. “Though the sadness would return, those few minutes of relief allowed me to make it through and then I would do the exercise again. It helped me to make it day by day,” she said.
–Play the F*ck it game. This suggestion comes from John and Gaia Parkin, creators of the F*ck It Way, a wonderful way of looking at the world in which we just say F*ck It to all the things we’ve been trying so hard to change in our lives. The minute we say F*ck It, we no longer care about the outcome (and that’s typically the very energy we needed to get the outcome we want). A little bit of apathy doesn’t hurt. In fact, more likely it feels good. The book F*ck It. The Ultimate Spiritual Way explains the philosophy and provides one of my favorite approaches to the Law of Attraction.
–Embrace the feeling. This is actually not as difficult as you might think. Feelings are like waves. If we allow them to wash over us, they do and then they quickly part. It’s when we resist painful feelings that they persist and seem to permeate our very existence. A book that provides a great tutorial on feeling unpleasant feelings (and moving through them) is The Sedona Method: Your Key to Lasting Happiness, Success, Peace and Emotional Well-Being by Hale Dwoskin. I used this technique after my father died and I was dealing with heavy waves of grief. I began to allow myself to feel the grief and I accepted that I would just feel bad. The minute I made my mind up that I would feel bad, I felt better.
There is no right or wrong way to move past difficult emotions. For everyone the path to relief may be a little different. The specific journey is not important. All that matters is that you get there.