We all have certain beliefs that many people around us buy into. Life is hard. Nothing worth having comes easy. Relationships are complicated. Love hurts. Work isn’t meant to be fun. Parenthood is the most rewarding and important thing one can do. If you buy into those beliefs then it’s easy to be around others sharing all of the life experiences you’ve had that validate them. But if you are choosing to create a difference experience — which you have the right and power to do –– then it’s time to cut everyone from your life, at least temporarily.
I recently had an unpleasant experience in a relationship. When I processed the situation, I realized that the experience was one that I had been expecting because I had a belief that this type of behavior was simply something that men did. When I thought back, I realized that I’d even expressed this belief to others in the past. When I talked to a couple of friends about it, more than one told me it wasn’t a big deal and that was just part of the process of moving forward in relationships. They shared the same collective belief.
I also noticed the belief was pretty widespread on television, on message boards and other places where people expressed their beliefs about relationships.
Now the average person would see all of that validation and would just accept that that’s the way things are. But me, being a believer in the power of co-creating my life, decided that this is a very painful belief to have. So if I can change my belief to a more pleasant one, I can create a more pleasant type of relationship. Sure, a lot of people will continue to experience what I recently experienced. Many people do believe that what I experienced is normal and common behavior. I’m not looking to change the world; I’m only looking to change MY world. (And in doing so, I change the world.)
For me, that involves re-training my brain. I use music the way some use affirmations. I found music that reflected the type of relationship that I want and I play it over and over again. I also affirm different thoughts. The more I think them, the more familiar they become. I’m training myself to notice different types of behaviors and make different connections. It’s all a fluid process and the different thoughts I’m creating are young. The beliefs I’m building are fragile. When you go through a period like this, it’s important to cut everyone from your life.
Cutting people out of your life isn’t permanent
While there are times in your life when you need to end friendships or relationships, this isn’t what this blog post is about. What I’m talking about is when you have to limit interaction or cut everyone from your life or portions of your life temporarily while you are allowing a new belief to become strong enough to take a foothold in your life.
For me, as I’m choosing to create a relationship experience that is different than what most people believe to be possible, I can’t talk about relationships with most people right now or else they will simply echo fears or doubts that I am currently detaching myself from. I can’t ask people about what they’re doing or what they believe as I plant the seeds of a belief that works for me. Those people who I know won’t avoid the subject won’t see me for a couple of months. I’ll catch back up with them when I’m more comfortable in the changing landscape of my beliefs. I’ll also spend time reading material and surrounding myself with resources that validate my ability to create the type of relationship that I want.
If you are changing your beliefs around what is possible financially, you might need to distance yourself from those who you used to grumble about never having enough with. If you are changing your beliefs about your health you might have to cut some people out of your life, at least to the point where they aren’t privy to what’s going on in your mind about your body.
What you believe is your business, and what you believe is true. If you are courageous enough to choose beliefs that are life-affirming, it’s ok to cut everyone from your life while you let those beliefs take root.